Passion Killing

This is increasingly becoming a popular trend in our once considered “safe communities”.

Wikipedia defines A crime of passion as an crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault, murder or rape, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime.

I think this definition needs broadening as most recent killings in our society have to a certain degree, a great element of premeditation. A typical scene is one where the perpetrator arrives at the victim’s home/workplace with a weapon and an intention to kill or hurt the victim and in some circumstance also ends his/her own life. (Premeditated murder is the crime of wrongfully causing the death of another human being after rationally considering the timing or method of doing so, in order to either increase the likelihood of success, or to evade detection or apprehension).

Passion killings result from various issues; I believe that most are a result of a break-up. One party fails to comprehend or accept that the other party wishes to move on with their lives without the other thus ending a relationship for his/her personal reasons.

In most incidences men are dominantly the perpetrators and there is a myth that men are not genetically designed to deal with emotions and handle heartbreaks as well as women do.  I think its more about their social upbringing (how boys were raised) than it being factual, this excuse is old and over-rated; it’s about time men learn to handle/deal emotions, accept themselves and accept failure and be men of honour.

Relationships are complex and one can never really apprehend the kind of love two people share, but I believe people should learn to avoid the feeling of “ownership” in a relationship, in which one individual (the submissive) gives to another (the dominant) ultimate authority over them, the days of slavery are long gone, no one can claim “ownership” over another human being. We should see each other as equals who respect each other’s equal abilities to make decisions including that to end or continue a relationship.

There are various debates about the issue; but I think the “ownership” concept in relationships can also be looked at against the backdrop of materialism that has gripped women in our society. The way young ladies have turned into dependents of their boyfriends makes it easy for men to control them and feel like they are their properties. And I think this is one of the key roots of passion killings. I am not justifying the killings but the anger is evoked. I don’t know of anyone who will walk away with a smile on their face after throwing away thousands of dollars on a dead-end relationship. Even if roles were to be reversed, the women would be angry too.

Women should learn to be self-depended and try to escape the materialistic pressures of this world, one of the fundamental advices that a mother gives to a child while growing up (exp in my culture) is to learn to be content with who you are and what you have. If you want to, but can not afford to look a certain way, to own a BlackBerry and/or expensive hair extensions, then motivate your self to work hard and avoid growing a dependency on men.  Similarly if a man is willing to give into the material demands of his woman than he should be able to give whole heartedly without emotional conditions attached.

We need to realize that the “if I can’t have you, no one can” type of love is selfish, foolish and deadly. Young women confuse this and tend to see it as more of a love message than a threat note (which it is). Individuals should avoid being in a serious relationship until they are emotionally intelligent and matured enough to have the ability to identify, assess, control and communicate the emotions of oneself, of others.

The average man on the street‘s argument now is that women should avoid bad break-ups or be extra careful while doing it, I think there is no easy or less-painful method to end a relationship. And there is no formula to it either, we should just try to respect each other’s decisions and move on with our lives and avoid this gruesome act.

Family is the fount of morality, and the backbone of society, family sets the foundation and to teach us to love, respect and value ourselves. But “family” has gradually disintegrating, as evidenced by increased immorality, Extra-marital affairs and divorces and this does not set a good example for the love relationships for the youth. If ‘passion killings’ are a result of social change: what are we doing to manage and balance that change.

At the moment the nation is grieving and has a lot of questions in their minds. Mothers are praying for the safety of their children. We don’t know when the next perpertator is going to strike, but until then please take care of your selves and your loved ones. There is always a solution to every problem, no storm last forever. And there are various ways to get over heartbreak.

May those who lost their lives in such gruesome killing rest in eternal peace! I live you with these words to consider.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.